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Why Do Narcissists Do What They Do?!

Understanding Narcissists: Insights from a Chicago Life Coach

Narcissistic behavior can be SO confusing, and if you’re reading this you have probably experienced this yourself. People with a high level of narcissistic traits can be charming and kind one minute, then it’s like they flip a switch and the next minute they are cruel, vindictive, jealous and controlling. They act charming in public but turn into Dr. Jekyll behind closed doors.

As a certified Chicago life coach specializing in narcissistic abuse, Susie Miller Wendel sheds light on the motivations behind this behavior and how it impacts relationships. Reach out today to begin your healing journey!

Understanding what is behind their behavior is a huge part of making sense of it all and realizing that it isn’t you causing their behavior as they most likely claim. This awareness is your best defense against their lies and manipulation. So, what is the number one thing driving their behavior?

The Driving Force: Extreme Insecurity

Despite projecting confidence, narcissists harbor deep insecurities, driving them to seek power, control, attention, and admiration. Understand how their internal struggles manifest in destructive patterns, affecting those around them. It is this insecurity that drives and motivates the Narcissist to be in constant pursuit of 4 main things:

Power & Control

First, narcissists are strategic in who they target for a partner to have a higher level of success in getting attention and admiration. They typically seek out people with a high level of empathy. Empaths are typically good listeners and can give their attention for a long period of time and are highly emotionally intelligent, making them very in tune with other peoples’ emotions and a perfect target for the narcissist.

Narcissists have many tools in their toolbox that they use to gain power and control in relationships to offset their extreme vulnerability. They will use tactics such as gaslighting to try to confuse and control their partners so they will stay in the relationship and continue to offer them attention and admiration. They will also commonly use denial, projection, manipulation, and aggression to control their environment and their victims’ reality, all of which create extreme confusion when coupled with occasional love-bombing.

Narcissists fear rejection to protect themselves from feelings of inadequacy. To avoid rejection, narcissists try to control their partners to get their way. It is not uncommon for a narcissist to have a very jealous side and try to control who their partner spends time with. If they feel family or friends have picked up on their toxic behavior, the narcissist will be very discouraging and may make it very difficult for their partners to spend time with these people. They may also accuse them of having affairs or try to control how they dress and their outward appearance. In a perfect world, the narcissist would have you all to themselves so that you become dependent on them and don’t see any other options for yourself.

Attention & Admiration

If you’ve ever gotten into an argument with a narcissist, you already know that they have a very difficult time accepting criticism, and may even become enraged if criticized, because it triggers those feelings of vulnerability and worthlessness.

Narcissists can only admire themselves through the attention and flattery of others. Their sense of self-worth is dictated by what others think of them, so they try to control what others think of them to feel better about themselves. Relationships are their narcissistic supply.

They often don’t reciprocate admiration. They need their romantic partners to praise them, listen to them talk about their feelings and topics of personal interest, and demand devotion and regard. Often people with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) express insecurity by accusing their partners of not caring enough about them or not doing enough for them.

Empower Yourself

If you've faced narcissistic abuse, understanding the narcissist's behavior is crucial to reclaiming your power and breaking free from their toxic hold. Susie Miller Wendel, your trusted Chicago life coach, can guide you on your healing journey with personalized support and strategies for recovery.

Schedule An Appointment

Ready to prioritize your well-being and break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse? Schedule a consultation with Susie Miller Wendel, your Chicago narcissistic abuse life coach, and take the first step towards healing and empowerment.